import urllib2

import cookielib

link=’http://www.somesite.com’

cookieJar = cookielib.LWPCookieJar()

def GrabPage(address,data=None):

proxy_support = urllib2.ProxyHandler({“http” : “127.0.0.1:8118″, “https” : “127.0.0.1:8118″})
opener = urllib2.build_opener(proxy_support,urllib2.HTTPCookieProcessor(cookieJar))
opener.addheaders = spoofheaders
torcon=opener.open(address,data)
data=torcon.read()
torcon.close()
return data

Ingredients:

500ml milk
3 slices white bread
1 onion
4 cloves
1 bay leaf

1. Skin the onion and push the cloves into it, each a quarter of the way around the outside of the onion
2. Add the onion, the milk and the bay leaf to a pan and heat at the lowest possible temperature available on your hob for about 30 mins. The idea is to keep the milk below boiling but warm enough to encourage the flavours of the other ingredients to infuse into it.
3. While the milk is heating, take the bread slices, chop off the crusts and dice into cubes about 1-2 cm in size.
4. Once the milk has infused and thickened slightly, remove the onion and the bay leaf and add the bread. Heat gently and stir until the bread dissolves into the milk to form a thick and even sauce.

That’s it, just serve with a roast chicken dinner and enjoy.

Ingredients:
2 leeks
2 potatoes
2 cloves garlic
2 pints vegetable stock
1/2 pint chicken stock
1 teaspoon thyme
milk
butter
salt
pepper

1. Chop the leeks into rings around centimeter thickness rings along their length.
2. Peel and dice the potatoes into centimeter square lumps.
3. Add the cubed potato to boiling water and cook for around 20 mins.
4. Melt some butter in a pan, add the leeks, and sweat them over a low heat until soft.
5. Add the chicken stock, vegetable stock, potatoes, and thyme to the leeks. Add enough milk to turn the soup a semi translucent grey. Push the garlic through a garlic press and add to the soup. Add salt and pepper to taste while simmering for at least 20 mins.

This is a quick and simple recipe, but surprisingly tasty and filling, and as leeks cost an awful lot less than meat, certainly a good one for stretching the budget when it’s needed.

After grabbing a hosting account with free php and mysql access ( php to capture the details of anything clicking and redirect them to the page you wish to present and mysql to store them ), the following simple scripts allowed logging to commence. I present them for you consideration. Kindly note that these scripts are currently not very robust and are more flung together than beautifully designed.

The first task is to create the database schema. As, sadly, most hosting providers seem a little hesitant to allow just any old riff-raff to connect directly to their database server, opening this script should do that for you.

<?php

# snooperinitdb.php
# customise the 4 vars below to match your hosting setup

$server='localhost';
$user='root';
$password='secret';
$database='snooper';

$link=mysql_connect($server,$user,$password);
$dbexists=mysql_select_db($database,$link);

if($dbexists==FALSE) {
mysql_query("create database ".$database);
$dbexists=mysql_select_db($database,$link);
if($dbexists==FALSE) {
print('Database Error: Create manually');
}
mysql_query("create table snooper ( time timestamp, remotehost varchar(20), remoteport int, remotebrowser varchar(250), referer varchar(250))");
}

# If you can't create databases, comment out the above code from
# if($dbexists==FALSE) and use this instead ( HINT: THIS IS A COMMENT )
# after using phpmyadmin or whatever rubbish the webhost is using
# to control databasing access.
#
# mysql_query("create table snooper ( time timestamp, remotehost varchar(20), remoteport int, remotebrowser varchar(250), referer varchar(250))");

?>

To get the above script to setup the database for you, upload it and simply open with your browser. Once that is done, upload the following log display script and check it works without throwing a fit.

<?php

# snooperviewlog.php
# Prints out snoopers records to screen
# customise the 4 vars below to match your hosting setup

$server='localhost';
$user='root';
$password='secret';
$database='snooper';

$link=mysql_connect($server,$user,$password);
$dbexists=mysql_select_db($database,$link);

$result = mysql_query("select * from ".$database);

print "<HTML><BODY><TABLE>";

print "<TR><TD>Time</TD><TD>IP Address </TD><TD>Browser ID</TD><TD>Referer</TD></TR>";

while($record=mysql_fetch_assoc($result)) {
print "<TR><TD>".$record["time"]."</TD><TD>".$record["remotehost"]."</TD>>TD<".$record["remotebrowser"]."</TD><TD>".$record["referer"]."</TD></TR>";
}

mysql_free_result($result);

print "</TABLE></BODY></HTML>";

?>

The above script should produce just the field headings for the table of machines that have clicked the link to access the script. Assuming all is well so far, we’re ready to roll. Next, we need to upload the script that does the actual sniffing. Here it is.

<?php

# Snooper.php
# Logs the machines with follow a given link, then redirects them to a given page

$counter=0;
$address='';

# customise the 4 vars below to match your hosting setup

$server='localhost';
$username='root';
$password='secret';
$database='snooper';

$link=mysql_connect($server,$username,$password);
mysql_select_db($database,$link);

if(isset($_SERVER['HTTP_REFERRER'])) {
mysql_query("insert into snooper (time,remotehost,remotebrowser,remoteport,referer) values (now(),'".$_SERVER['REMOTE_ADDR']."','".$_SERVER['HTTP_USER_AGENT']."','".$_SERVER['REMOTE_PORT']."','".$_SERVER['HTTP_REFERRER']."')");
} else {
mysql_query("insert into snooper (time,remotehost,remotebrowser,remoteport,referer) values (now(),'".$_SERVER['REMOTE_ADDR']."','".$_SERVER['HTTP_USER_AGENT']."','".$_SERVER['REMOTE_PORT']."',NULL)");
}

foreach($_GET as $key => $val) {
if($key=='targurl') {
$address=$val;
} else {
if(!$counter) {
$address=$address."?".$key."=".$val;
$counter=1;
} else {
$address=$address."&".$key."=".$val;
}
}

}

#print($address);
header("Location: ".$address);

?>

So, let’s say we want to post a link to a book an amazon and monitor which IP addresses on twitter click our link to check out what we’ve linked to. Let say that book is Stephen Hawkings ‘The Universe in a Nutshell’ at http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=Stephen+hawking&x=0&y=0 and our script is located on snooper.com and is called snooper.php.

The first thing we have to do is reformat the URL for the page so that we can successfully feed it into our script. All we have to do is change the ? in the url to a & and our script will be able to preserve any data that needs to be passed to our target server, thus : http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss&url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=Stephen+hawking&x=0&y=0

Next, we need to feed this into our script. So we take the above and alter it so it reads thus : http://snooper.com/snooper.php?targurl=http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss&url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=Stephen+hawking&x=0&y=0

Now this makes it rather obvious that we’re sniffing who clicks our links on twitter. So the next step is to take the above url and feed it into a URL shortening service, such as bit.ly, so we get a nice short link that’s indistinguishable from the other links pasted on twitter.

The main issue with this technique is that it, due the use of the URL shortening service, is unable to link an IP address to a given twitter user by name. To do that requires developing the scripts into a full blown man-in-the middle attack and embedding some javascript into the page to get at the browsers history and rewrite the address bar. Something for another post, I feel.

Ingredients :

100g Mayonnaise
100g Plain Yogurt
1/2 teaspoon Ground Cumin
5g ( ish ) Finely chopped fresh Coriander
1 or 2 drops of Lemon Juice

1: Chop the coriander and add to a bowl with the cumin.
2: Add the mayonnaise, lemon juice and yogurt, then mix.
3: Chill.

You can, of course, add all or substitute sorts of other things, much as you’ll see online, though honestly, the traditional recipes for Cucumber sauce, such as the Greek Tzatziki are probably more desirable if you desire true finesse, rather quick and tasty filler food.

As I close, might I also add that Sainsbury’s range of pre-packaged curries are, unsurprisingly, poor. The hot dishes are entirely limp-wristed and lacking in heat, for starters. I do understand that not everyone enjoys their food seasoned with the flavour of chemical burns, but when purchasing a dish from the hotter range of products, it’s not unreasonable to expect a meal that tastes as though it has more than the lightest hint of chilli within it. The supplied rice is also annoyingly problematic. The texture and colour are wonderful, but the flavour of lemongrass is ridiculously overpowering.

I visit myself ( mainly on Thursday ) to take advantage of the wonderful range of curries, offered for a pittance. I’m a particular fan, as a chilli addict, of the chicken vindaloo; the spiciest offering on the menu. As something I’d like to enjoy somewhat more regularly, I’ve been intermittently attempting to reverse engineer the recipe.

Hence my post tonight. I’ve finally managed a reasonable approximation of of the dish where I’m actually happy about the flavour, so I’m presenting it for others who may be interested to tinker with and refine. In no way is this a perfect copy, but it should prove a suitable candidate for refinement.

Initially, we need an onion puree as the core of the dish. This can be prepared thus :

5 onions
a little vegetable oil ( you should use ghee, but it’s a pain to make )
a dash of white wine vinegar

1: Peel and roughly chop the onions.
2: Add a little oil to a pan and heat. Add the onions and cook them slowly until brown. The onions will at least quarter in volume over this time. The browner the better.
3: Remove the onions when caramelised, to a bowl or blender. Add a little oil and the white wine vinegar ( substituting lemon juice should work, if needed ) and blend. You should now have a wonderful beige puree.

Next, we need a vindaloo sauce base. This paste shall suffice :

2 chilli peppers, 1 green, 1 red
2 or 3 cloves of garlic.
2 teaspoons turmeric
1 teaspoon cumin
1 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1 teaspoon chilli powder
2 teaspoons garam masala
2 teaspoons dried coriander
2 teaspoons mustard seeds
a few drops chilli extract sauce
Freshly ground pepper
Salt to taste
Water as required

1: Roughly chop the chillis and the garlic into a container for blending. Then add the spices and chilli extract.
2: Blend. The thicker the paste is, the better, but you may need to add water to make it liquid enough. The ideal paste should be the consistency of cement.

Penultimately, we need to prepare the rice :

1 part basmati rice
2.5 parts water
1 or 2 teaspoons of turmeric
a dash of salt
boiling water to rinse the rice

1: Add the rice, water, turmeric and salt to pan. Bring to the boil and simmer for around 10 minutes. The rice is cooked when you can bite through a grain with no resistance.
2: The now yellow rice ( that’s what the turmeric was for ) should be turned out into a collender and rinsed with boiling water. Leave to drip dry.

Finally, the curry itself :

1 tin chopped tomatoes
around 3 chicken breasts
onion puree ( see above )
vindaloo paste ( see above )
2 chilli’s, 1 red, 1 green
a touch of vegetable oil
A little water
More chilli extract, if required.

1: Roughly chop the chillis and dice the chicken breast into bite sized lumps
2: Line the bottom of a pan with oil. Once the oil is hot, add the vindaloo paste and mix the two for a couple of minutes.
3: Add the diced chicken and cook in the sauce for about five minutes. You’re looking for the chicken meat to go nice and white. This should infuse some of the spice into the meat without having to marinade it.
4: Add the chopped tomatoes, chopped chillis and onion puree. Simmer for at least 30 minutes. Add water to thin the consistency a little ( the water should reduce off, during the cooking process ).
5: Add a little extra chilli extract if you find the dish a little limp.

There you go. Add mango chutney, poppadoms and naan bread when serving and this is a reasonably acceptable clone. All feedback to move this closer to the original is of course, very welcome.

Update: 19/8/2010

I’ve altered my sauce base to the following, finding a better flavour, the previous on seemed a little too bitter:

4-5 chilli peppers, mixed colours
2 cloves of garlic.
1 teaspoons turmeric
1/2 teaspoon cumin
1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/2 teaspoon chilli powder ( optional )
3 teaspoons garam masala
1 teaspoons mustard seeds

The usual Hungarian hot wax Tesco sells seems to be acceptable in the above, though using 10g of Dorset Naga coupled with about 20g of Scotch Bonnets seems to give a very good heat, though the flavour is a little fruity because of the bonnets.

I’ve drastically altered the recipe for the rice, getting something much closer to a takeaway rather than a pub curry using it. I should stress, the ‘part’ measurement is one of my large drinking mugs! Not very scientific, I admit.

1 basmati rice
2.5 parts chicken stock
1 or 2 teaspoons of turmeric
8 cloves
4 cardamom pods
1 bay leaf
A large pat of butter
a dash of salt
boiling water to rinse the rice

Melt the butter in the pan, and add the cardamom pods, cloves and bay leaf. Fry in the butter for a couple of mins, then add the rice and fry for another couple. Then add the chicken stock and tumeric, and cook as per usual. Tip into colander and rinse with boiling water.

I’ve also started adding two tins of chopped tomatoes to the pan, instead of one and blending them before doing so. I’ve also changed the water added before reducing the sauce in the final stage for chicken stock, this seems an improvement too.

I’ve you want to go for the full takeaway hit, add some chopped FRESH coriander ( or cilantro if you’re in the states ), near the end of the cooking process. Dried leaves from the store cupboard seem completely inadequate in adding that fragrant sensation to the dish.

# A Very simple python bot.
# Requires the python twitter module available here : http://code.google.com/p/python-twitter/

# TODO : Add support for a proxy such as Tor.

# Load required libraries
import twitter, time

# These two variables simply control program flow.
incrementer = 0
loopcounter = 0

while 1 :

# Ok, pop the login details here. Or use this call in a loop to crack passwords
# Replace the xxxxxx with the relavant info.
twitterapi=twitter.Api(username='xxxxxx',password='xxxxxx')

#This should be the name of the client you wish the script to impersonate
#This has to be the name of a REAL client to work
twitterapi.SetSource(source='Tweetie')

#This stuff is just some general test code for detecting and printing tweets.
# Left in so you can get some ideas for making more complex responses for the bot

#users=twitterapi.GetFriends()
#print [u.screen_name for u in users]
#tweetlist=twitterapi.GetUserTimeline()
#tweets=[]
#i=0
#print tweetlist

#for item in tweetlist :
# print item.text
# print item.user.screen_name
# tweets.append([item.user.screen_name,item.text])
# i=i+1

#print tweets

# This part belches out messages sequentially

if incrementer==6 :
incrementer=0
loopcounter=loopcounter+1

if incrementer==0 :
twitterapi.PostUpdate("Message 1")

if incrementer==1 :
twitterapi.PostUpdate("Message 2")

if incrementer==2 :
twitterapi.PostUpdate("Message 3")

if incrementer==4 :
twitterapi.PostUpdate("Message 4")

if incrementer==5 :
twitterapi.PostUpdate("Message 5")

# This exits the program after tweeting each message twice
if loopcounter==2 :
break
incrementer=incrementer+1
# Delay time in seconds until next tweet
time.sleep(677)

As with all bargains, there was a catch, in this case being the lack of a remote control and the telescreen requiring such to tune it into anything other than the scart socket. Bereft of finance for the range of currently overpriced freeview boxes, the idea came upon my to at least use my smartphone as a conduit for the iplayer

Be Internet’s Speedtouch 585 made this an experience akin to pulling teeth from one’s own skull, meaning best enjoyed after rapid consumption of a bottle of vodka so that at least you will not retain memory of such agony. In this case, sadly, no such respite was forthcoming.

The issue is that Thomson’s slapdash firmware implementation of uPNP is incapable of handling the Nokia’s realplayer, predictably used by auntie for playback. The only way to resolve this is to hack the devices configurations around the problem.

Thus to start with, you have to get the speedtouch to assign a fixed ip address to the phone by :

1. Going into the routers web interface, clicking Home Network, then Devices, noting what’s listed with the phone disconnected, then connecting the phone, refreshing the page and clicking on the MAC address that appears, clicking configure and ticking the box marked ‘Always use the same IP address for this device’.
2. Next, head into the phones realplayer ( menu button -> applications -> media -> realplayer ) and press options and go to settings. Select streaming, then network. Set lowest udp port to 45105, highest port to 45125 and select the name of your wireless network as default access point.
3. Finally, head back into the routers configuration, select game and application sharing and go to create a new game or application. Name it something appropriate then select manual entry of port maps, then tell it udp from 45105 to 45125 and save. Head back into the router configuration and assign the rule you just created to the phone.

What a pain in the backside, just to watch a bit of telly in the house.s

You’ll need :

Mash Topping:
Around 1kg of potatoes
Butter
Milk

Meat Filling:
Beef Oxo’s
Instant Gravy
500g ( or more if you like ) Minced Beef/Lamb
1 Medium Onion
( optional ) carrots or other diced veg to taste

Start off by peeling the spuds and boiling them for around 30-40 mins in salted water, as per the usual way for cooking potatoes. If you’re adding veg, cook this separately too.

While you’re doing this, peel and finely chop the onion ( I like to use a mandolin ), then throw in a frying pan with the mince and brown them. Cheaper mince will contain enough fat to fry itself, you might need to add a little oil to the frying pan to start the process.

Once the mince is browned, use a slotted spoon to scoop the onion and mince into a large pyrex cooking bowl. Add the veggies when they are cooked, then cover with a mixture of equal parts instant gravy and beef stock cubes.

Once the potatoes are cooked, add a little milk and a knob of butter and mash them ( cream is overkill for the topping here ) until soft and fluffy throughout. Then spoon lumps of the mashed potatoes over the filling, slowly building up a layer covering the filling. After you’ve produced the topping, fork down to ensure any gaps are removed and that the topping reaches the sides of the bowl.

Now brown the top of the potato topping using the grill. This will ensure a good seal over the top of the filling and prevent any hot gravy bubbling up from the filling later and ruining your hard work!

After browning the crust, when you’re ready to serve, simply place the pie in the oven at 160C for around 20 mins to warm through. Enjoy!.

You’ll require for each portion :
1 beef stock cube ( Oxo seems to work well )
1 packet instant noodles
1 spring onion
a little fresh minced beef
1/2 about half a large chilli
lemon juice
fish sauce ( my local Sainsbury’s has bottles of this for around a pound )
salt and pepper

Start by chopping the chilli and the spring onion into small pieces, you’ll ideally want the chilli in slices about 1 or 2 millimeters thick. Put these to one side, and prepare the instant noodles according to the packet, leaving out the stock included with them. Once cooked, place the noodles in a bowl, take a lump of the mince about the size of a meatball and fry it a saucepan. After cooking it, put the mince over the noodles. Take 350ml of water and place in the pan you cooked the mince in, and add the stock cube, salt and pepper and some lemon juice and fish sauce ( about a tablespoon or two’s worth depending on your tastes ) and simmer this to reduce it into a broth. Sprinkle the spring onion and chilli over the beef and noodles, then pour in the broth. Serve.

Now to return to increasingly frustrating Monopoly City Streets and spectate as the server undergoes it’s own version of Catnarok.